Working on staying, thinking about leaving

There’s something that I have to say. But first a charming anecdote about baking. (Who doesn’t love a story about cupcakes?) Today was the day that I acted like the kind of woman God wanted me to be: One Who Bakes. I have a fun little dinner date with W&FA who recently returned from her European jaunt and also a midnight movie party to attend after. Homemade baked goods were in order. I thought cupcakes for the movie party because they're easy & fun and don't require utensils to eat them with. I wanted to jazz them up a bit so I decided that I would make them with an orange yogurt frosting (of my own invention). Cutting to the climax, the orange yogurt frosting didn't turn out so hot. So I decided to try Magnolia Bakery's famous buttercream frosting instead, sans problem! It turned out just fine and made icing the cupcakes extra fun. My only problem now is the fact that the recipe was so large I now have two pounds of extra buttercream frosting in my fridge. Which isn't much of a problem now that I think about it.




Which left me with one more dessert to make and a big bowl of wannabe frosting. Hmm...time for some ingenuity. Running through the list of ingredients I had added to make the frosting I realized that I was half way to a cake batter so I added some eggs and flour and voilà! Orange bundt cake with a dark chocolate glaze was born. (Which looks like a big chocolate doughnut in the picture. But it's not.) Too bad not all accidents can be this delicious.




So now down to the nitty gritty. The reason I wrote the blog. The thing that's been eating away at my brain and occupying my every thought: I want to go to Russia. This came out of nowhere and I never saw it coming but I want it really bad. Maybe even more than I want a pony. Something about the fact that it’s a completely foreign culture and language is what I want and need. I love Europe, I do, but there’s something very familiar and almost boring about it to me now. I’m very disenchanted by how touristy Europe is. My best trip in Europe so far has been Prague. I loved Prague because it (The Czech Republic) had only recently joined the European Union and was still using the Czech Crown for currency. Prague seemed to be a city still unknown to many tourists and maintained much of what I imagined was it’s original patina, integrity. I’m sure in the coming years it will become just as popular a destination as Munich or Venice or what have you, but something about it still felt foreign and exotic. The people were friendly and quirky, very different from what I’d seen before. (This is what I want, this different-ness.)

Russia seems huge and open with so much culture and history and foreignness! I want to be surrounded, have all of my senses pushed up against this unending unknown. I want Moscow and St. Petersburg and that wonderful sensual language drumming in my ear on a train through some town whose name I can't pronounce.

Back to reality, the only tangible thing stopping me is the tedious and expensive visa process. There are many forms to fill out and fees to pay before you can obtain a visa...& I don't know anyone willing to go through such a frivolous ordeal to accompany me on this adventure. (Does anyone else want Russia too?) Nevertheless I'm going to continue to research this visa process and figure out a way in because I must. I simply must get to Russia.

New and improved

Check out the new do:

Compliments of the always lovely Esther who took pity on my poor and impoverished soul and cut my hair pro bono whilst under the influence of a delicious bottle of Cabernet Sauvignon.

There she goes (again)

Check it out...life goes fast! This summer, it's almost past. August is nary a week away, which means I'm almost gone. (Although, I must admit, part of me has already moved to France and has been living there for quite some time.) Despite the rapidly approaching date of departure I find myself already missing the idea of this city and the community I've created/found. I can't wait to leave, but I have anxiety about going. I'm over the moon for my job and the people I work with. Most importantly, I recognize how lucky I am. These circumstances aren't the norm, are they? I won't go into detail about how awesome things are, I've done this before, but I must say that realizing I'm leaving is now equal parts excitement equal parts sadness. So they sort of cancel each other out...leaving me somewhere in the middle of an emotion bordering on melancholy/apprehensive & dreamy/excited. If I'm not dreaming up some farfetched French fantasy I'm fretting over leaving and losing fantastic friends and a fabulous city for something completely unknown. There's no guarantee this will be 'better' or 'as good'...I'm not leaving because I'm unhappy with where I'm at. I can't say to myself, 'well at least it can't get any worse', because it can get worse. In fact things are so great right now how could I possibly expect them to get better? This is not to say that I'd ever turn this opportunity down, but I am starting to realize that life is rarely black and white. I'm never 100% sure of any decision I make. I am never moving in one direction, I am moving in many and all at once. Something about me is restless and never still, never satisfied. (Is this youth, immaturity, insanity?) I'm always needing something else, some indefinable something that is forever lacking. I suppose maybe the only cure for this is to keep moving, remain restless. So, here I am. For once I've planned ahead and I've got it all 'figured out'. Life should be simple and worry free now that I've got a plan and a timetable...nevertheless confusion and mayhem ensue.

About this moment

Me, right now, I'm happy. Really happy. I feel full, if that makes sense as a quality. I'm lucky, really lucky because of all the amazing people I know and experiences I've had this summer. Things couldn't be better, which is something I can't say often. In this moment, with all this happy momentum around me, I feel a calm sense of fulfillment. I hope one day you can make it here too.

Social butterfly (off & flying)

This weekend was FANTASTIC! Saturday the always lovely V & I went to our favorite little French café and had a bottle of Prosecco & dessert (which V insists on paying for because she is a lovely girl and I have thus named her my benevolent benefactor) al fresco because it was such a lovely day and we both had on such lovely dresses that were fun to show off outdoors to all the happy people driving or bicycling by. 1 Bottle and 2 wine samples later I was back home & getting ready to go out with Jules & David (French/Italian chap...it's quite complicated because he was born in France, has lived there all his life, but identifies more with Italy & doesn't appear to like France one bit!). We went to a fun party at a new club/bar & danced the night away. Le sigh. I do love dancing (especially with good friends). However, the best of the best was certainly yesterday. The Pasta Bar crew went to Valley Fair practically from dawn till dusk. We went on all the rides, rollercoasters, water slides, etc etc. Bar none the most fun I've had all summer. But now that it's Monday I need to get some work done...today I'm working on filling out some pesky visa papers. But not for long. It's simply too beautiful of a day to sit inside & fill out visa papers. Meet you at the beach in half an hour?

Fille de la mer

Voilà!
Je vais habiter ici:

Bonjour St. Brieuc!
Bonjour nouvelle ville, vie.

Dogs & frogs

Today L called from France. I like to call L Former French Flame (FFF) (Note: He's 1 of 2. Yes I realize I am pathetic.), although he could also be considered Estranged European Lover (EEL), and when I'm angry I think I'll start calling him Bizarre And Random Frenchie (BARF). Anyways the story, which is far less interesting then the acronyms that I've come up with for him, is that as he was about to hang up he asked once more, "Quoi d'neuf?" to which I sighed, "Je veux un chein". (What else? ... I want a dog.) Next thing I know we're off and running to the computer to look up pictures of dogs and talking about which ones he likes and I like & we're sending links back and forth comparing pictures and laughing hysterically at all the cute dogs. Originally I believed I wanted a Beagle...I love their little ears! But I've recently discovered the Golden Doodle which has now stolen my heart. FFF (or Eel/Barf depending on the day of the week) wants a ChowChow. Which, although somewhat cute, looks to me like a cross between a gorilla and a lion. (This really is a fascinating story isn't it?) Anyways the moral of the story is that I love dogs. And I have 3 new names for my ex boyfriend.

Also, my legwarmers are complete! I'm not quite sure if I like them for myself so I think I'll probably gift them to some lucky someone. (Any takers?)

One liner

After work last night the pasta bar crew crashed a party in Seward. (Ok so we didn't necessarily crash it but we brought practically the entire crew to a party where we only knew one person.) Luckily I got my wonky wheel somewhat repaired by some wonderful gents who took pity on a poor girl riding with a rear tire practically bent into an S curve. By far the best part of last night, however, had to have been when Emma & I went over to a group of boys to strike up a conversation. I didn't quite know what to say, luckily Emma piped up with, "So, how do you boys feel about euthanasia?"

Keepers

Can't decide if I like them enough to keep them. What do you think? (Is anyone out there?)

Some of it

I am a bit overwhelmed. Feel like I haven't done this in a while, & there is so much to say. How about I make a list...

-Yesterday was the best 4th of July ever. It was grand. I don't even know where to begin to begin so I will just direct you over to flickr where you can create your own story of what happened.
-My bike tire is super wonky...but I don't want to get it fixed because I am moving in 2 months.
-I visited my parents in the beginning of this week. It was stressful, but mostly good.
-Have been getting loads of compliments on my hair. My favorites are when people say I remind them of the girl from Breathless. (yessssssss!)
-Am almost done knitting a pair of legwarmers...purple & grey stripes.
-Was naughty and bought another pair of shoes today. Black patent leather with little bows. (pictures to come...)
-Latest obsession: lime sletzer water. Tasty.
-Will be leaving the house shortly to get wine at my favorite cafe with Jules & her Italian/French acquaintance. Oh la la.

And that, dear friends and lovers, is that. More later, perchance.