samedi, juin 28

Disappearing act

So silly to think that my late night slip up could result in such embarrassing and foolish acts, I swear I've never been this truly awful before. I don't wish to go into further detail, but I do wish to make my life smaller more compact & meaningful. I'm too caught up in the web of the web, I need to be a bit more reclusive and protective. I need to experience the visceral emotions of the real world outside. Time to start taking care & attending to what is real. My first step in cutting the ties was deleting my facebook profile. (Oh friends, it was so liberating & I most ardently recommend it to you.) Not such a big deal in the grander scheme of things, but I've found that many of my friends are Shocked (!) at having heard of such a scandal. How could I just up and leave? Why? How would I live without facebook? (Speaking of which today I was kicking around downtown and stopped in Macy's for a quick look at the dresses. I was approached by a saleswoman who said hello & asked if I had a Macy's charge card to which I responded no. What?! Where are you from?! The nerve of my not having a Macy's charge card, unheard of!) I'm also making a stronger effort to ease up on my after work socializing and boozing; no need to party every night of the week. In addition to this I'm prioritizing my running goal (8 miles by the end of summer) and today I ran 5. (5!) So goodbye facebook and goodbye drunken debauchery goodbye feeling of helplessness and hello ownership, acceptance, & gratitude. I do lead a good life, time to start taking care.

vendredi, juin 27

Mean girl

Last night I got drunkly stupid and then proceeded to be a very mean girl. I'm not proud, and I hope that in writing about it I'll commit myself to not allowing it to happen again. Just when I thought I'd started to make some changes in the right direction (I'm interpreting again, I'm making time for running, keeping in touch with people) I realize that I need to continue to reexamine my choices. Damn.

jeudi, juin 19

Build me up buttercup

So about me and Montreal and Minneapolis and my life and here and this summer and now...well, it's a long story, but I'll do my best to recap. Montreal was wonderful. A really beautiful and culturally diverse city with a European mentality and an American-esque type feel. I instantly felt at home and had no problem navigating the city. I couch surfed in an apartment in the St. Denis area of Montreal with a group of students & had a phenomenal time with them. The reason that I went to Montreal, aside from having wanted to visit Canada, was to check out McGill University for a translation program. I applied & took the entrance exam and won't hear anything back until Mid-July. Eep. I'd really hope that I am accepted, however, if not it won't be the end of the world since I've been giving Australia a very close look lately. Australia?, you ask, to which I respond, Well, yes. You see, I really love traveling and living abroad, and even though I've never been particularly intrigued with Australia I do want to travel to Asia very badly. (I figure that living in Australia it's easier to faster to travel to Asia then going from the States to Asia.) Though Australia wasn't terribly exciting for me I met several wonderful & silly Aussies while I traveled through Europe and became curious about their homeland (in the same way that I became curious about Canada after having met C-Town). So...I suppose for the moment I imagine that I'll either be in Australia or Canada in 6 months from now. Pas mal, eh?

For the moment I am back in Minneapolis and enjoying the summer, mostly. I adore my friends and my job, but I feel like something's missing. This feeling is pretty normal for me, though. I always question my life and, in quiet moments, wonder if I really am happy with where I'm at and how I've constructed my life. I'm happy to be back to my roots in a city I love with surrounded by the people who make me feel the most like myself...but I feel like, somehow, I'm not being true to myself. I think what I mean to say is, I feel like I've given up my passions. Things that I treasure the most seem to be shelved for the moment (reading, writing, dancing, taking pictures, volunteering), & I feel like I'm treading water just trying to keep from drowning. How do you keep pace with your life? Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed because of all the interests and things I have & love to do that I find it hard to do them all. I know I've only been back for a little over a month, but I need to focus on finding a balance for including ...everything. Is everything too much? Can you ever have it all, how do you say no (or yes) to what you want when there are a million other things you'd like as well? (I'm talking myself in circles again, in any case Happy Summer to you. The weather here has been beyond beautiful lately.)

vendredi, juin 13

My suitcase is my third arm

And she's off and flying...this time to Montreal! Shall return late next week, be well my loves and be sure to know that I'll be back with photos & stories aplenty; bisous!

mercredi, juin 11

Even if it's raining, baby I still got you

Today I ran 4. Doesn't seem like a huge deal, but at this stage in the game every mile counts. In a little bit I'll go to a cafe and study my French (Montreal on Saturday!) tonight I'll go out to Barbette (my favorite!) for wine with V. Yesterday was my little Emma-girl's birthday and we had lunch al fresco (Arnie Palmers & salads) then went shopping to find her a special birthday outfit. The whole crew came out for dancing downtown, it was silliness as usual. The other day I finally had my inaugural bike ride of the summer and biked to Uptown. I checked out the book shops and ended up buying a kimono and an apron at Ragstock. Awesome. Sorry for the lack of voice and vision in this post, lately my mind feels scattered and the days seem more like circles of experience rather than linear boxes. I've got a million ideas and things on my mind lately and I feel like everyone knows it...I swear I've got energy around me, feels like I'm giving off sparks and beams of light. Anyways, I'm off to go eat a peach and read my book, hope your afternoon is full of sweetness and words as well dear readers. If I haven't said so before, thank you for your words and voice on this keep me moving forward & cloud-high.

dimanche, juin 8

Stop, look, listen

Hello and greetings from the most wonderful of cities, Minneapolis. Sorry for the lack of updates but my feet have not stopped dancing since my arrival. Life is livable again, better yet it's grand. There's been baking and barbecues aplenty as well as endless nights and midnight breakfast. I'm alive alive alive and kicking. Et toi, ca va?

mardi, juin 3

Still life with elephant

Today was an absolute breaking point: meandering around the mall because I couldn't stand to be at home and eventually buying a pair of cheap nasty gold hoops at Wet Seal. Barf. When did my life become so pathetic? I thought I was watching over it carefully, but apparently I've fallen asleep at the wheel and crashed into this suburban nightmare I swore would never ever be my life. Well dear readers desperate times call for desperate measures...I've packed my suitcase and am ready to head back to my beloved Minneapolis and all my lovely friends there. Time to begin again, this time for real.