samedi, mai 31

In the future cars will drive on forever (and ever)

I took this photo from the front passenger seat of Rene's car on the drive from Bretagne to Normandie in March. Lena was sick, Leah had fallen asleep listening to her music, Ren silently navigated the road, and I looked out of my window, mouth agap and wide eyed taking pictures as fast as my camera could click. It was one of my most beautiful drives through the country that I can recall; the cloudscape left me speechless. Right before the sunset patches of pink and mauve spread across the sky and I probably took around 30 photos of the same thing, the only varying feature being a slight color change and perhaps a different tree or landscape in the background. Everything about the car trip felt perfect and I remember thinking it was almost the end, that it was one of the last times we'd be in a car together and just wishing wishing wishing it could go on forever. Even though there'd been hard times and things weren't always divine I never wanted that car to stop, I just wanted it to keep going forward and onward forever and ever amen.

jeudi, mai 29

The only place we're free

Since life has been less then exhilarating lately I've taken up residence in certain parts of my brain instead. Call it denial if you will but I prefer (and always have) the private and silly space in my mind to the oft upsetting and dull environment in which I currently find myself (aka suburbia). Lately I've taken to running and studying with a twist of seeing my dear friends whenever they pass through town. I find that the running has given me something to work towards; my summer goal is upping my runs from 3 miles to 7 by the end of summer...eep! Returning from France made me realize my desire to return to school and was thus responsible for my immediate immersion into old text books and course packets. Time to resharpen that brain. As unpoetic as this sounds I find it absolutely true: my brain has a severe beer-gut. Yes, I'm aware how gross it sounds. For real though, I can't believe how quickly I feel like I've lost academic edge. The fact that the economy is in the tank and there is a flood of recent graduates and a lack of jobs only fuels my desire to up my game.

So how is life in the brain? Oh it's ok, I guess. It's no Parisian night club, but it's better then grappling with the fact that I'm almost flat broke and living somewhere I never anticipated returning to. Like I said before, humble pie. Anyways I'm not complaining. It's a big big challenge not to feel upset and get down on myself, however despite all the circumstances it still feels really nice to be home. I'm proud of what I've done and where I've been & I'm working toward the next big thing, whatever and wherever that may lead. Unfortunately I can't say much about what that will be because, well, I've got 80 million different ideas. And if you know me at all you know I'm not lying, there are literally 80 million. I counted them last night.

jeudi, mai 22

And it should come as no surprise

That I am miserable at home and bought a plane ticket to Montreal. Hurrah. I suppose I just needed to visit a foreign place (yes Canada is foreign for me, I've sadly never been) and hear some French in my ear. Unfortunately, nothing else too exciting to report. Life here is slow. Real slow. I need to get myself a big city life again. Last week I visited my cousin in Madison; we went out for drinks and had to wait in line to get into the bar and then paid for our own drinks. That was a sobering experience for me coming from a city where I had become acclimated to table service, no lines, and never paying for my own champagne. Sounds snotty, I know, but you get used to it real fast. And now, oh and now. And now I get to start over and begin building again. Won't you excuse me while I go make myself some humble pie?

lundi, mai 19

Praire Underground

Whist kicking around online at 4am (Can't sleep. My mind, it races.) I discovered this little gem of a label. How silly, of course, that it is designed out of Portland. Part of me still thinks that moving out there is a good idea; I just know I'd fit right in. But I've got a few other plans in the works at the moment...namely places that lay beyond said American borders. These feet of mine ache to wander again. Sometimes I think I should have never come home. It's only been about a week and a half and already I feel suffocated. Maybe it's not the situation, maybe it's just me. I've started to believe that it's simply my nature to feel restless, unsatisfied, and trapped. But oh Jesus Goddamn I sure hope it's not because feeling like this all the time wears a girl down. In any case let me leave you with some lovely photos of the brilliant Praire Underground:

mardi, mai 13

I forgot my brain in France

Please bear with me in this tumultuous time of readjustment. At the moment this fille is feeling equal parts over and under whelmed. Life is confusing and strange and sometimes silly and sometimes fun, full stop. Less babble and most substance later, promise! But for now please hold on hold on hold on and don't let go...

jeudi, mai 8

O America

You shopping cart and overfilled aisle
Mini van, soda can, homeless man
Your gummy worm and Chinese food dinner

My broken croissant and lost perfume
Suitcase zipper, toenail clipper, high-heel shoe
Bought a one-way ticket back to the zoo

You stolen sadness and ice cream desserted my heart
Microwave, plastic bag, hand-me-down
Your streetlight at noon and TV show host

My old high school sweater and caged bird
Swimming pool, 2-car garage, one nation under god
Night of the living dead and while gone carried on,

I think I thought I knew you once.

mardi, mai 6

Leaving Oz

I've got my suitcase all packed and I'm about to go enjoy my last rays of Parisian sunlight...tomorrow's the big day. Tomorrow I'm going transatlantic; America I'm coming back to you.

dimanche, mai 4

In which I embrace Paris in my arms and whisper sweet nothings into her ear

Yesterday was brilliantly wonderful. (Can I say that?) I woke up late, threw on my trench coat and met up with Bella at Invalides; Paris is in love with Spring. Everywhere I walked the sun shone and kicked up all the colors in the day to make life seem vibrant again. (Is it me or has this winter seemed particularly long?) We got ourselves a chilled bottle of white wine and laid in the sun until Alex joined and we then decided it was a good idea to buy a second bottle of wine and it was only a matter of time before a third bottle joined as well. The lazy afternoon escaped us and we went out for dinner and made plans to go out partying, clubbing, and dancing after. Dinner didn't end until almost 11 at which point I scurried home for a quick change of shoes and then off we all went, into the warmth of the first Spring-like night of Paris. I wasn't to return home until after seeing the first lights of dawn with Alex. We had an early breakfast on the Champs Elysées & then I was back in my bed at 8 (a.m. that is). Being young is grand, I think, and the most exciting of adventures.

vendredi, mai 2

Ubiquitous, adj. Existing or being everywhere, esp. at the same time; omnipresent.

Well hello there my little goslings I have returned from the land of Eastern Europe with many a tale to tell and a camera full of pictures. I'm sitting here with my mug of citrus tea listening to some Hot Chip in hopes of getting my morning started and getting a move on. I woke up early this morning to the sound of a thousand little girls screaming. Legit. My friend's apartment is next to an all girls elementary school. Damn you children, fun isn't allowed before I have my coffee. Fun is forbidden before 9 in the morning. Alack I began to stir and decided to get up and do a little morning research before heading out in Paris. Today I think I'll head to the big boutiques in hopes of finding a gift for my mom. The last time I was in Paris she told me she wanted a silk scarf with flowers on it, pas de problème...except I am le tired. I haven't been feeling 100% ever since having experienced the world's biggest shit-show of a voyage from Budapest to Paris; 16 hours in transit, 5 different languages, 4 different countries, 3 different currencies. I began Tuesday by waking up at 4 in the morning to take a train to Bratislava (Slovakia) to then take a bus to Vienna to then take a plane to Paris. I spent a solid 4 hours in the Vienna airport browsing all of the duty-free shops eyeing up the expensive liquors and designer sunglasses before deciding that I deserved some little token of victory...Chanel red lipstick it was. (!) I've told myself I'd get a little Chanel before I went home and this was just simply the perfect time and place and color and I was feeling weak of persuasion and anyways I can now say that I am a woman who wears Chanel lipstick, red no less.

jeudi, mai 1