Où est-ce que je vais?

"tu ne marcheras jamais assez
tu ne rêveras jamais assez"
((e. jabès))

The time for big decisions is rapidly approaching: where do I go from here?

Confession

I have a really awful habit of buying inordinate amounts of books. Many the books on my bookshelf haven't actually been read, or read in their entirety. (see: 'looking to adopt?') However, I take comfort in having them accessible...should I ever want or have the time to read them I would be able. The privilege of having a 'u card' also makes the acquiring of books quite easy. Indeed my book buying habits have become a bit out of hand, more of an addiction than anything else. Whenever I feel like I should reward myself...did well on an exam, wrote an awesome paper, need to cheer myself up...I go to the U's bookstore. Some people smoke or drink, but my vice is buying books. Which is almost endearing, who honestly buys books to take the edge off? However, I can say that my saving grace is the fact that I generally restrain myself to only buying from the discounted book section. Plus buying from the discount section is also a fun way to broaden your booking acquiring horizons...they have many different genres/varieties of books on sale from theatre & poetry to cooking & politics. Anyways, since it's my last semester and I didn't have many books to buy for my courses I went a little crazy buying used/discounted books. I like to look at the books other classes are reading and generally end up buying a few books from other classes (mostly novels or poetry) that I find interesting. This time, however, I've pulled out all the stops and have even ventured into undiscounted territory. Indeed, I've been shamelessly buying books at full price. I've just finished a really great graphic novel called Persepolis by Marjane Satrapi & I highly recommend this book to anyone! It's about Strapi's life as a child growing up during the Iranian Cultural Revolution...fascinating, tragic, hilarious, incredible...such a necessary read. I've even gone and bought the sequel, Persepolis 2, because I was so taken with the first and couldn't wait to read more. Not that I need to justify myself to the internet (à la Coquette) but I do feel like sometimes you need to indulge yourself and pay full price. Also, I have been doing a really good job keeping up on my school work, doing all (most) of my readings for class, going to class, etc. Then again, it's only the third week of class.

Children of Men

This movie has left me completely shell-shocked and emotionally disarmed. I still don't know what I think exactly, only that I have a lot of questions...and I feel vulnerable.

A run down of, well, not much

Nothing much to say.
It's windy and cold.
Ceramics is coming along swimmingly.
I am in the midst of reading Frankenstein.
Have eaten an inordinate amount of nuts and Clementines today; feeling a bit squirrel-ish (monkey-like?) certainly Marsupial-esque.
Looking to change my hair cut/color/style...have been feeling a bit restless lately.
My mood has been bipolar with an emphasis strongly on polar; lowest lows complete with crying and a pint of Ben & Jerry’s to mere euphoria after my successes in ceramics and my intermediate fiction class.
Upset that I keep missing Tony's phone calls. (When you called I was in my fiction class & then scampered off to the library to finish my homework for tomorrow...talk to you soon? soon!)
Want to buy a new pair of boots to get rid of the old & embarrassing pair of pseudo ugg-ish type boots.
Have lots of fun parties to attend this weekend.
Almost bought a pack of cigarettes today...I don't smoke, but today I had the worst urge ever to start.
I didn't.
Looking forward to getting wine at my favorite cafe in uptown tomorrow night with Friend.
Tomorrow is my long day of classes, I suppose it's time to sleep.
A bientôt.

Amendment to original post: had been eyeing this pair of boots for a while; figured since we've still got another 3 months of winter that investing in a good pair of boots would be the intelligent, nay, mature thing to do. Voilà:
They shall warm my feets within 4-7 business days....eep!

Looking to adopt?

They need you! I've decided that it's time to down size. My bookshelf has been living in excess for far too long. Poor books have been smashed together and mercilessly cramped on top of one another ...besides, I didn't even like some of these books! (Not to mention many of them haven't been read completely, or at all...) This is a call to arms (of sorts...) everything in this stack must go! Please let me know if you are a book person (English majors, I'm looking at you) or just in need of a good read. Some of these books fall into the category of good while others, well, let's just say the cover hasn't been opened. A bientôt chers amis.

Stitching away the day

Wow. I've caught the knitting bug...and it's bad. My Dear Friend (DF) or Darling Fille taught me how to knit Thursday night. Friday I finished my scarf. However, not content to simply let one accomplishment settle me I looked up how to start another scarf (casting on) as well as how to purl (another type of stitch) and how to weave in another color. DF told me how impressed she was at how quickly I picked up knitting...I'm convinced that aside from being one of the chosen I was also motivated by how awesome it felt to make my own clothes. I've always been really excited about being 'self sufficient' or at least as much as possible. Growing my own vegetables in a garden, riding my bike, cutting my own hair, etc. Knitting is also another weapon for me to add to my womanly arsenal...all I need to learn next is how to press flowers and make my own pickles & jam preserves and I'll be well on my way to making myself marriageable material, gentlemen take notice.

The latest project is this wonderful little creation that I am making for myself using a delicious paprika colored yarn to start and adding stripes of a darker grey yarn. Eventually I want the scarf to be variegated, but not entirely. I'm letting the process happen organically...aka I add a stripe of grey wherever the hell I please.

Again let me reiterate how bad this knitting bug is: when I came home last night (somewhat tipsy) I began to knit again....which accounts for a few mis-stitchings and small holes in my scarf. oops. This morning the first thing I did when I got up was begin knitting. No teeth brushing or face washing, none of those time consuming useless tasks of personal hygiene. I continued to knit for several hours. Indeed the knitting bug is coursing through my veins compelling me to knit more, knit faster, knit with techniques I have not yet learned...I'm pretty sure that I now know what the onset of carpel tunnel syndrome or arthritis will feel like. And yet. I knit on.

Same old tricks

Sometimes I get frustrated because I can't do it all. I have so many interests and I wish wish wish to high heaven I could find the time to do everything...I want to be able to read books outside of my course work, I want to learn how to knit, I want to sew, I want to paint, I want to go out dancing, I want to have dinner parties, I want to go running, I want to take naps, I want to have time to sit & be quiet and just think, I want time to cook myself delicious meals, I want to travel everywhere, etc etc. It's so overwhelming that I don't know what to do with myself. I generally do something irrational, like spend money that I don't have or waste time that I don't have. Today it was a bit of both. I decided that I want (and must) learn how to knit...bought expensive yarn...and realized that I was now short on cash and time...super.

This yarn was so beautiful & reminded me of the sea, all the shades of green and almost blues, and I pictured myself in France taking a little stroll along the beach after teaching class or perhaps popping in out of the wind for an espresso at a little cafe. This ability to envision myself with unpurchased (generally superfluous & expensive) objects seems to be a recurring problem...as per a certain pair of boots, which have yet to be worn. On the bright side I do have a certain wonderfully goofy someone in my life that knows how to knit & I imagine this will be an excellent reason to get together on a cold day & knit up a storm. A bientôt.

She returned with calf muscles the size of grapefruits

home home home.

La Voyageuse

Today I leave for the desert. Seriously, the next week of my life will be spent wandering in the desert. I have packed 'the Virgin Suicides' and 'l'Exil et le Royaume' (Exile and the Kingdom) en français bien sûr. I am confident I will make it out alive and with better clarity. Will return to write tragic Camus-esque literature about the futility of our human struggle. Here's looking at you kid.

Peg Bundy rings in the new year

Everyone always makes a big hype about new years eve and what they're doing for it. I didn't have any definite plans so I was a bit nervous about how my night was going to go. Not that I really cared because it's just a regular old day and the fact that we choose to celebrate December 31st as the beginning of the new year in a concept of time that we invented doesn't necessarily get me down .... Anyways Will and I went to a themed party at my friend's house in uptown. The theme: Blue Collar New Years (since let's face it, we're all liberal ed majors and are probably going to be hovering around the line of poverty/minimum wage type of employment.) Which brings us to...

Exhibit A: Peg Bundy

My costume was awesome, I had the belt around the waist, a pair of brown stovepipe jeans, fire engine red flats, and a sort of psuedo bouffant-hair-thing-going-on which was the closest to Peg Bundy my hair could get. Will & I stayed there long enough to ring in the new year



Then we went to 1st Ave where my friend was Dj'ing. We danced to AWESOME music & had a smashing time.


So all in all a pretty good time. I was glad to say goodbye to 2006, it started off as THE WORST YEAR EVER last year when I was in Paris. Yes, not even my beloved Paris could make up for the fact that last year's events and beginnings were at best apocalyptic. Nevertheless 2006 was also a year of a sort of renaissance with myself, I feel like I became more me-like this year...figured out more of what I like & don't like, what I want & don't want. Met some new and amazing people and appreciated the hell out of the old & great & completely necessary people in my life. And in the words of a great philosopher, 'can't nobody take my pride can't nobody hold me down....oh no, I gots ta keep on movin.' 2007 you better fucking bring it, because I am ready.