jeudi, janvier 17

Black and white

So here it is, up front, cold, and ugly: I'm unhappy. Terribly miserably unhappy here. This town makes me crawl out of my skin and I feel so incredibly upset and confused that I don't know where to begin. I've phoned family and friends with the message I'm coming home. No definitive decision has been made yet, but for the moment I envision myself returning soon, as soon as possible even. I wish I could more clearly verbalize how I feel and what has made me arrive at this decision; I'm trying to see this situation in black and white but all I see is gray. I suppose I've tried to distract myself through various means of entertainment and small vacations in hopes of avoiding the unavoidable fact that this just isn't right for me and I can no longer go forward. Returning home, however, will not be a quick fix to this problem of unsatisfied unhappiness. I fear this problem goes much deeper. Returning home is perhaps only the first step in finding or hoping to recover what I seek.

2 commentaires:

Miss Alissa a dit…


I don't know you at all, but have just found your blog and wanted to say that I think you're really brave. And that what you've been doing - making a new life for yourself far away, standing completely on your own – it is hard - really hard. And if going home is what you need right now you shouldn't feel bad, I think sometimes you can feel like it's a step back or that you've failed at what you tried to do - but it is never that. You're just doing what your head and your heart needs right now.

I've really enjoyed your writing, you seem like you have a real desire for adventure and an appreciation of the beautiful things around you.
You'll still have that wherever you are and I bet it'll keep leading you on the most exciting paths. You're brave for following that – and also brave for realising when it isn't working and having the courage to do something about it.
How strange to comment on a stranger's life! I hope the confusion lifts for you, and wish you lots of luck.

Ali (a girl who ran away to Paris!)


Anthony a dit…

Ali - your comments about this girl are only wrong inasmuch as they only begin to scratch the surface of her depth.

Anyone who meets her can't help but be happy and grateful. Anyone who crosses her path can't help but realize that this is what the planet was put here for. Adventure, romance, bliss.

I'm a thrilled to admit to being one of the lucky ones.