Yesterday

all my troubles seemed so far away oh I believed in yesterday...suddenly....great great beatles song & it feels completely pertinent to my life right now. You never realize how good you have it, even in those moments of wonderous nowness that we completely neglect & wish things could be different or that you could change, and then you look back and realize how good you really had it...how awesome things really were. I am at home, home home in Milwaukee, for winter break. It's always the weirdest thing ever, coming back home. Everything is different, or seems to have eerily remained the same (I can't decide which is stranger) and I feel so out of place. Coming home to realize my parents have aged and are getting older is hard, uncanny even. It means I have to come to terms with making adult decisions and realizing the cold harsh truths of life, ideas that were only a dark seed of a thought fairly making any appearances in my immature and ignorant consciousness. I come home and it makes me sad. To see that there are more strip malls, more highways, more SUVs, that there is less fresh produce in my parents house, there are less trees and meadows, there are more useless things lying around the house, that my room now houses boxes filled with useless items and receipts and who knows what else. And yet. I come home and it makes me nostalgic. There are still a few posters hanging on my walls, I try on old prom dresses, I see old & wonderful friends made new and different but still great & fun, I get spoiled by my parents, I joyously do my laundry for free (!), and complain as I may it's still home, even if it feels uncanny. Things have been strange lately, like I said I still can't put my finger on it but it feels like I've got 'one foot off the merry-go-round' so to speak. (whatever that even means.) Coming home definetly makes me aware of this even more. I feel even more out of place here, a place that I couldn't wait to return to and that should feel the most comforting and familiar feels...well, unfamiliar. I guess I should just be thankful that the semester is over and I can begin to relax a bit. The beginning of the holiday parties and cheer has certainly begun, last night I went to a fabulous Fabulous holiday party and saw lots of great friends dressed to the nines! Everyone was in good cheer and happy to be done with finals and be dressed up and that my friends, is really a joy. When you can come out of your cave after a rough semester and rediscover the joys of showering and putting on your best dress with your hottest shoes and just looking fabulous & feeling great. So hurrah for that much needed and appreciated splendor. And now I must rest because tomorrow I am having my wisdom teeth removed and I prefer to be well rested so that I can enjoy the experience to the fullest....more to come more to come dear readers & friends...