dimanche, mai 20

Playing grown-up

I think I've always been out of touch with reality. (Ok, I know that I have.) I'm certainly a big dreamer and frequently unrealistic. (Qualities that I consider to be simultaneously my best & worst.) I guess the problem is that I have this bizarre way of viewing my life as if it were some type of game. This summer I plan to go to the beach, ride my bike, and eat watermelon. Of course I'll have to occasionally throw on a funky polyester dress and work a catering event or 2 in hopes of saving a few clams for my trip across the pond. For a change of pace I'll move to France and play 'teacher' in the fall. I've even started to buy my costume so that I can look the part. In my mind so much of life is about looking and acting the part. I've always been a huge subscriber to the whole 'fake it til’ you make it' theory as well as 'all the world's a stage..." When I'm a waitress I wear an apron. Sometimes I carry a lot of plates in one hand, but usually that's only when I'm showing off. I act like I know a lot about the culinary arts and wine pairings with the food. (Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. This is where the acting part comes in.) When I'm a teacher I'll wear a pencil skirt and my teacher shoes*. Sometimes I'll give a test and when I do I'll walk around the room with a ruler in case anyone tries to cheat. Mostly I'll be nice, I think. I'll give out stickers that say "Great Job" or "All Star Student". (I'll also read Dr. Seuss books--I received quite the collection from my parents as a graduation gift.)

Dreams, acting, & faking it aside, I’m pretty sure my playful notion of life will soon change. Yesterday Friend and I talked about being Adults--something that we do not consider ourselves. We discussed what age we'd consider ourselves adults (somewhere around 27ish, 28). We're certainly not adults now, rather we're somewhat caught in the midst of a post-teen-screw off-lackadaisically-unrealistic period in our lives. Unsure of what's next but certain that the decisions we make will determine future options & decisions. We realize that we're old enough to make mistakes, big mistakes. We'll be forced to face the repercussions of such mistakes. Yikes. Despite these somewhat catastrophic realizations I feel like I am still on too much of a high from being freed from the ivory tower of higher education to stop and worry about the future and this whole ‘adult’ thing. I’ve got the whole rest of my life to be an adult and act adult-like (look adult-like). For now I’m only going to focus on the whole riding my bike & eating watermelon part. I need to enjoy the small nothings before this life-game I'm living takes an ugly turn towards adulthood.

*Teacher shoes: I bought a pair of 'teacher shoes' for my life in France. This does not mean that they are matronly or frumpy, however. The lovely buckle detail and small studding made them simply irresistible. Something about them said "Adult-Almost" to me. They're authoritative, versatile, yet somehow stylish (& a little saucy).

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