dimanche, août 24

My luggage was randomly selected by the airline to be searched

I'm almost there, I'm sitting here at the terminal connected via invisible wires and cords send out this message and wondering if you're as bewildered and amazed by technology as I. I know that it's been possible to connect to the internet at airport terminals for years now but something about the fact that I feel like I should be cut off from all outside sources of communication and yet am able to maintain my life, rather my online life, seems absurd. Technology makes me ubiquitous, but some how I can't help be feel dwarfed by it all. Existential crisis before flight? Perhaps. I'm not a good flyer, it never used to be this way until the last few years when I've become absolutely petrified of boarding a plane. This is no way stops me from continuing my beloved travel habit, but it certainly puts sends my stomach into knots and leaves me reevaluating my life each time before I board. I've been lucky to come across friends who've tried to calm my fears, even some fellow passengers on flight have been extremely kind and reassuring. I just feel so helpless. No use worrying about it now, though. I've bought the ticket, checked the bag, and been frisked by security: I'm going whether I survive to tell about it or not. And, well, I hope that I do survive to tell about it because I've got Montreal waiting on the other end and I'm terribly frightened and excited about the new foray into another life change/choice/country. There are still many many unknowns that await me, such as where I'm going to live, if I'll be able to get a job, if I'm qualified to receive a student permit, student loans, etc. etc. amen. Enough. I'm in a state of purity, the way you can enjoy something before you've even touched or tarnished it with your expectations. The city that awaits me is nothing but my own, as I see it, with no faults or mistakes although it may be messy and at times unjust the city simply exists in the gray matter of my mind as the idea of an idea I once had. One day it won't be mine anymore, I'll feel let down, get tired and jaded, and eventually abandon it for something newer or farther away; I know this is inevitable. I've always known that this capricious mind (soul, rather?) of mine has a tendency to wander. All I know is that I want a lot of everything, spatially speaking, I want to make a map of every place my feet have been...that means never standing still.

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