mardi, juin 5

Restlessness, a list

Keeping me awake at night:

-The hat I am knitting...I need to buy another skein of yarn to finish.
-Trying to save money has kept me eating pasta & other lovely cheap dishes...I need to splurge and at least buy some pears or tomatoes or something that grows on a tree. I think the last time I ate something fresh (not canned, frozen, or dried) was last week.
-The new job. It's stressful, long hours, and I already feel like quitting after having only gone to one 2 hour training session. (Perseverance. I shall succeed. I just need to give this new job a chance and push myself beyond my comfort zone for once. I've discovered one my biggest flaws is not challenging myself enough. Now is the time for change.)
-Hair cut. I finally bit the bullet and cut my hair short. Short, short. Like Jean Seberg in 'Breathless'. People seem to like it, but its still got to grow on me ( pun intended).
-Job interview this morning. I feel unprepared & anxious. I hope I am successful, I plan to wear my new Teacher Shoes. This should perk me up.
-Books! I am in the midst of reading 2 (Suite Française & One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest)...with several others sitting on my shelf just waiting to be lovingly held and carried. I must be a really stressful person because I can legitmately say that I have anxiety about the number of books I have on my shelf and want to read.
-Small miscellaneous other nitpicky things...Laundry, dishes, selling old clothes, writing thank you letters, etc. This crap piles up all around me. I wish I was one of those people with the talent to micromanage all these small tasks so as to not overwhelm oneself. I've begun to try and accomplish this by continuing to use my weekly planner. So far I've seen a slight improvement in my overall morale and initiative to accomplish these mundane tasks. Baby steps.
-Insurance. I am currently without.
-France, a source of joy and anxiety. I really wish I knew where specifically I was going. I'm also apprehensive about how much I will be able to cover with the salary they are paying me. This causes me to freak out that I need to work more. However, France. A sanctuary located in the middle of Europe. The land of wonderful memories and good friends. Ah yes France. I do adore it.
-There are many other things I am sure. This is a somewhat filtered list. And yet as I read it now I realize how utterly neurotic and volatile I seem. Please don't be alarmed...I can assure you this is normal.

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